Thursday, May 04, 2006

Guinness, here's your new marketing strategy.

At dinner this evening, I decided to have a couple of beers. By beer, of course, I mean Guinness.

As is wont to happen when I've had a few drinks, things get wacky. For whatever reason, we started inserting the word Guinness into movie titles where it didn't belong. For instance, you might take "TMNT 2: The Secret of the Ooze," and say "TMNT 2: The Secret of the Guinness." Basically, it's a laugh riot.

However, we came up with three titles that will make no sense to you if you have never seen or heard of any of the Star Trek movies. We have:

The Guinness of Khan
The Guinness for Spock
The Undiscovered Guinness

We then realized we could transform these three things into 2 commercials that Guinness could use, provided they can garner the acting prowess of Ricardo Montalban, William Shatner, and Leonard Nimoy. They may or may not have to channel the ghost of Deforest Kelley, I haven't decided. Anyway, here's a working script for the two commercials.

Commercial 1: The Guinness of Khan/The Guinness for Spock

[We are in a bar. Ricardo Montalban (Khan) sits down at the bar.]

Khan: May I have a pint of Guinness, please?
Sexy Bartender: Sure you can! It's our last one.

[The Guinness is served, Khan takes a drink, and looks very refreshed. Next, William Shatner (Kirk) approaches the bar, and stands right next to the seated Khan. They give each other a glance, nothing more.]

Kirk: May I have a Guinness for my friend in the corner?

[Kirk points toward Leonard Nimoy (Spock) who gives the "Live Long and Prosper" sign, anxiously awaiting his Guinness.]

Sexy Bartender: I'm sorry, we're out.
Khan: [To Kirk] Sorry, I got the last one.

[Overhead view. Kirk looks up directly into the camera, shakes, and then shouts:]

Kirk: Khaaaaaaaaaaan!

Commercial 2: The Undiscovered Guinness

[We are in the same bar as before, picking up right where we left off. Kirk is about to leave the bar when he finds there is no Guinness left, but the Sexy Bartender stops him.]

Sexy Bartender: Actually, I have just been informed that we have discovered a keg of Guinness! Would you still like one?
Kirk: Most certainly.

[The Guinness is served.]

Kirk: Oh, actually, could I get one of those cocktail umbrellas to go with it?
The Guinness: [in the voice of Deforest Kelley] Dammit Jim, I'm a Guinness, not a Mojito!

[Kirk deadpans at the camera.]
*****

Basically, since Guinness keeps playing the same "That's Brilliant" commercials, I thought they could use a little help. Guinness, if you're reading this, which I know that you are, I expect a check for 1 million dollars to be in the mail tomorrow. Thank you.

Comments:
You've got to be on something besides Guinness. But it made me laugh anyway.

I've sworn off beer because it made me gain 20 pounds. Wine and vodka from here on out.
 
man i love guiness.

i can't wait to drink it legally!
 
I always knew you were just another crazy star trek geek. I hope you notice my perfect grammar because some really hot scottish girl is sitting next to me and is correcting me all the time.

mars
 
wow, hey wtf. where are your updates? too much studying for your quals? when do you have to take them?

Mars
 
Is this blog dead?
 
Dude, post a new entry. I'm sick of reading back entries of my old blogs.
 
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