Saturday, December 24, 2005

You know that sludge at the bottom of your Turkish coffee? Yeah, this is it.

It's that time of the year again, the time when everyone becomes an expert on everything and lets everyone else know how important their opinions are. However, most people will try to convince their peers as to what the best songs of 2005 are. Personally, I think that's a little tired, and a little too easy. You know what you like, it's easy to come up with a list of things that you think are cool.

Since I always have to be different (read: better) than everyone else, I've compiled a list of the 10 worst songs of 2005. As I may or may not have mentioned before, my car has only a radio; no tape player, no cd player, no media player of any kind. The result? I usually end up going nuts because the music on the radio is so freakin' terrible that I can barely exist.

This is my way of getting back at every radio station which has ever played any one of these tracks. It's pretty crappy revenge, I know, but come on, what else am I going to do? Call and tell the stations that they suck? Actually, that's not a bad idea...

10. Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand
This song makes the list just because I'm sick of Franz Ferdinand ripping off every band they've ever heard. Basically, FF is a conglomeration of all the crappy (and none of the good) aspects of 80s new wave music. The melody in the "make somebody love me" is so reminiscent of that Jefferson Airplane song that I finally had to call them out on it. Be thankful Franzy, you're only number 10. That's not that bad.

9. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
I cannot think of a good reason as to why anyone would willingly listen to this song, unless their loved ones were being tortured and the only way to save them would be to listen to this Green Day cover band. That one part where the guy talks for about half a second pretty much makes me want to shove screwdrivers through my ears so that I never have to hear how terrible this song is ever again.

8. Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave
Chris Cornell cannot sing. He can't. I'm not saying that in a "he can't sing opera" kind of way, or that "he has a good rock voice, like in a cool 'Trent Reznor can't sing'" kind of way, I'm saying he can't sing. He can't. He shouldn't, at any rate. Whoever lets him sing is just as guilty for aiding and abetting Chris Cornell in his quest to make my life miserable. I'm just about ready to kill myself because I'm so upset that this song exists.

7. Fix You - Coldplay
Coldplay just sucks. I'd apologize for that comment, but I don't think I have to. They're always nipping at the heels of Radiohead, and sucking miserably at copying them. I wish they'd just quit, but then I'd have less things to get angry about.

6. Candy Shop - 50 Cent
I'm not entirely sure if there's any discernable beat/melody to this song. Everytime I hear it, I get really discombobulated and annoyed. Fiddy has worn out his welcome in the music scene, says I.

5. All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
This song makes the list because I recently had to drive about 20 hours in the past 4 days, and nearly every station was playing Christmas music, and each one of those was playing this song on repeat. No lie. It's so ingrained in my skull that I'm going to use that new power drill I got for Giftmas to eradicate it from my brain.

4. Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
This is the most annoying song Green Day has ever released, and that's saying a lot, because Green Day knows how to release annoying songs. If you like this song, it's probably because you're a failure at life, and you're a masochist.

3. Best Of You - Foo Fighters
This is off the album "In Your Honor," and I'm sick of Dave Grohl still trying to milk the fact that every song and every album he releases is an homage to Kurt Cobain. Move the fuck on, my friend (read: enemy). You have drumming skills, please use them and release something worth listening to. I would prefer it if you don't sing though, because the opening lines of this song pretty much sound like someone is hitting a baby with a cat.

2. Photograph - Nickelback
Opening lines, opening lines! Wherefore dost thou suck so? Whenever I hear this abomination, I am pretty much embarrassed for Chad Kroeger. Seriously, why did his producer tell him that it actually sounded good to start off the song with his horrible voice? I should find that human and destroy him.

1. Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
You had to expect this. What other song could possibly outdo this one in complete suckiness? When I was taking votes for this list, this won by a landslide, nearly 50,000 votes. Downright ridiculous, right? If this band ever releases another album, I'm probably going to have to drop a nuclear bomb on their recording studio.

Well, there you have it. If you're looking for a top 10, just search around the web, everyone has one and they're probably right, unless any one of these songs is included on their list.

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