Monday, October 03, 2005

Smoke and mirrors - the aftermath; or "Let me break it down for you."


he's in favor of sin taxes

Once again, I have underestimated my ability to push people's buttons.

My editorial ended up getting published in the ISU paper. I got a couple of comments from professors here, who were able to see the contradiction between the two "reasons" given in the paper.

Two creatures at this university were having a hard time with logic.

One of these creatures, "Drew Miller," had this to say:

This guy is getting a degree in mathematics? Let me break it down for you.

He then proceeds to give me all sorts of statistics, only solidifying the truth that he totally missed the point. Furthermore, I already have a degree in mathematics, you failure. Learn how to exist.

The other creature, one "Randy Gebhardt," has taken it upon himself to crowd my email inbox with his tripe. He is a GSB member, and he didn't seem to be a fan of the fact that I was showing him how much he and his popularity contest winners fail at logic. Here are some awesome quotes from the emails he's sent me today. (By "awesome quotes," I clearly mean "terrible affronts to rational thought.")

Because you're a math major, I'll try to give you this in numbers.

Way to fail, Randy. I'm not a "math major." I have a degree already. Also, mathematicians rarely use numbers. You must be thinking about engineers.

And, I wasn't assuming that mathmeticians sit and crunch numbers all the time. I'm also an engineer, one forced to crunch numbers for all my classes.

Oh. Well, I'm not "also an engineer." What the hell?

This is our logic behind passing the resolution. Iowa has not raised the cigarette tax since 1991 and is currently ranked 42nd in the U.S.

So, the reason why you want to up the tax is because you haven't done it in 14 years? I haven't shit my pants in probably about 14 years, I guess I'm due.

I would encourage you to talk to one of your senators about what actually happened at the meeting before writing a commentary in the daily.

That's probably because you don't want to look like a complete failure in front of the entire student body. Sorry.

My only problem is that you are making assumptions about all of GSB based on a poorly written article in the daily.

I may be making assumptions about all of GSB based on a poorly written article in the daily, but thanks to GSB, now the Iowa Board of Regents will make assumptions about all of the ISU student body based on the 30 people who voted on this resolution last week. The latter is a bit more dangerous, methinks.

Some senators were more concerned about money but many were also mainly concerned for health.

Then let me break it down for you, Randy. Here is the reason what you should have said about your tax on cigarettes:

We are increasing the tax so as to reduce the amount of smokers somewhat, but to keep enough to increase the amount of revenue generated by this addictive habit. Therefore, we are going to allow a select group who can still afford to smoke to continue to slowly kill themselves, in the interest of generating revenue for the state.

Just admit it, you'll feel better. I promise. Cross my heart. Seriously.

Finally:

It does seem like you can't make money off of cigarettes if you keep increasing taxes when you look at it with just the variable of the tax.

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Listen up, GSB: if you wanted to send your dogs after the mighty King Bee, you shouldn't have chosen this horrid excuse for a logician to battle wits with the unsurmountable force that is me and my invective. Is this the best you got?

Bring it on.

Comments:
Oh my, oh my! I'm so amused, even more so since I know Randy and that sounds like a 'Randy' letter. The stories I could tell...okay, well not really, but I had you convinced, for maybe a second.
 
Awesome! Keep up with the good work, couldn't have done it better myself.

Martin
 
man, i should start being mean to people. look at all the adventures you have.

-first place, bitch!!!
 
Hase! Hase!
 
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