Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Anytime y'all wanna see me again, rewind this track right here, close your eyes, and picture me rollin'.


faster pussycat, kill, kill!

Last night was my annual Tupac Resurrection party, which basically means I load up a playlist of Tupac tracks, turn the volume up, and see how much Hennessy I can drink until I faint. Last night, I even had a couple of people stop by, but I passed out when more were on the way and failed to let them in my apartment.

Many people always ask me why I think that Tupac is still alive, or at least didn't die in the way we are all told he did. So, in order to answer this question, I will now outline 7 reasons as to why his death certificate is not convincing.

1. Since Afeni Shakur (his mother) was a Black Panther, Tupac was one as well. Black Panthers cannot be cremated, according to their tenets. Tupac was cremated.
2. Tupac's death was a murder. In murder cases in this country, we perform autopsies on the deceased. There was no autopsy done on Tupac's body prior to his cremation.
3. Niccolo Machiavelli wrote a book called "The Prince" (which Tupac admitted to having read), where he states that the best way to confuse your enemies is to fake your own death. The last album to be released while Tupac was still alive was released under the name "Makaveli," the name to which Tupac switched. Every album to be released since then has been under the moniker Tupac Shakur, not Makaveli, insinuating that Makaveli is the one who was shot and killed, not Tupac.
4. The album released under the name Makaveli was called "The Seven Day Theory." Tupac was shot on the 7th of September, and survived until the 13th of September, namely seven days.
5. The album "All Eyez on Me" was released on February 13th, 1996, and he died on September 13th, 1996. These dates are exactly 7 months apart.
6. Tupac raps about becoming president in some of his songs. One cannot be president if he has a felony record. However, 7 years after one's death, felony records are expunged, meaning Tupac could have ran for president if he were "dead" for 7 years.
7. Tupac wore a bullet proof vest everywhere he went, but not on the night he was shot, even though he was at a very public event (a Mike Tyson boxing match).

Finally, on the newest Tupac record on the first song, Tupac says "I'm back, in 2005." What's more disturbing to think, that he's still alive, or that he recorded this song 9 years prior to his own death? I think that the latter is far more weird to think about.

We can all see that the events surrounding his supposed demise are rather dubious. Do we conclude from them that he is still alive? Not necessarily, but we can certainly say that the situation is such that one could see how his death was faked.

The man was much more than just a rap artist, and I hope that more can come to realize that in the future. Until then, drink a fifth of Hennessy, put on "Thug Style" and "Picture Me Rollin'," and let the words wash over you like a waterfall.

Comments:
Haha, I've been wondering when you'd bring this back up. I've actually gotten quite a bit into Tupac, NWA, Snoop Dogg. . . in the last few years. Hell, if Ice-T can be in Law & Order, Tupac can run for President.

jack
 
Right on.
 
all tupac reminds me of is when dan klassen's stupid roommate justin peed in our apt. after you guys left. gross.
 
So, Tupac is with Elvis, Hitler, and Osama living it up on the Riviera Maya? You know, Tupac is backwards for Caput [sic].
 
You know, Tupac is backwards for Caput [sic].

Oh, you're right. He must be dead then. I wish I would have come to this stunning realization earlier.
 
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