Monday, July 18, 2005
You may have already won!
I just made the sweetest phone call in the history of phone calls.
I came back from a junkyard, where I was looking for a part for my car, and the part was too expensive, so I left, a little disappointed. I checked my mail (of the snail variety) upon my return, and found a "travel voucher" from the Ramada Inns and Suites for $1600. Since I don't usually see this every day, I was a bit skeptical. I decide to call them and see what's up. Here is the conversation, with all the good parts intact:
Customer Service Representative: Hello, Ramada Inns and Suites.
Me: Hi, I'm calling in regards to some strange 1600 dollar voucher I got in the mail.
CSR: Oh, congratulations. You've won in our giveaway.
Me: So, what's the catch?
CSR: [totally unintelligible here]
Me: Excuse me? I can't understand a word you're saying.
CSR: Ha ha ha. I said "what kind of fish do you want?"
Me: What the hell?
CSR: Well, you asked what the catch was. So I was asking you which kind of fish you wanted, you get it? "Catch?"
Me: Oh, I got it. You're just confusing the hell out of me. I need to know how much this trip will cost me.
CSR: Well, that's basically a coupon for 1600 dollars off your next trip.
Me: 1600 dollars off? I've never taken a vacation in my life that costs that much.
CSR: Never? Where do you go?
Me: I've been to Europe twice, Seattle, Vancouver, ----
CSR: Europe? Did you [unintelligible] over there?
CSR: Did you paddle over there?
CSR: Plane tickets alone are 1600 dollars, when flying to Europe.
Me: I used my mom's frequent flier miles.
CSR: Well, that's convenient.
Me: I know.
CSR: I'll tell you what, I'm going to give you some free gifts.
Me: What kinds of gifts?
CSR: Free ones. *Click*
New CSR: Hi, this is Nat, who am I speaking to?
Me: "To whom am I speaking." This is Jake.
Nat: Are you a sales rep?
Me: No. Are you?
Nat: Sort of. Why are you calling?
Me: Some strange fellow transferred me over to you after offering free gifts. I don't know what's going on.
[insert a bunch of talk here about the various places he wants to send me]
Me: Well, I'm not big on the whole sunshine and smiles type places like Florida.
Nat: Well, that's what we're offerring here.
Me: Then I don't want to go.
Nat: Come on, this is such a great deal.
Me: Yeah, but Orlando is a cultureless black hole.
Nat: Well, what about Fort Lauderdale?
Me: I don't even know where that is.
Nat: Well, I can knock another 500 dollars off for you. It would make it much more affordable.
Me: Can you make it free? That's the only way I'll go.
Nat: I'll tell you what, you're not going to get very far in life if you think everything's going to be free.
Me: [audibly pissed off now] I suppose you're right. I could probably end up with your job.
Ahh, I feel so good about myself now. Now I'm going to do laundry and pay my energy bill.
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