Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I will deal with this Jedi slime myself.

There should be a [university level] class on movie theater etiquette. The following things are rather obvious, but they need to be taught to some people who don't have a sense of basic existence.

Rules to follow if you are in a movie theater that is crowded; that is, you are sitting next to people you do not know, and it is not possible to put a seat buffer between you and said unkown individual:

1. You do not have the right to the armrest. In fact, neither of you should use it.

2. There is to be no talking to your idiot girlfriend. I don't care how stupid she is, or how stupid you are. I don't care if neither of you have the mental capacity to follow a plot designed for people with low IQs. Discuss the movie later.

3. When your watch alarm goes off and I realize it before you do, I get to use a tire iron on you in a way not intended by its manufacturers.

4. The previews are not a time for you to let us all know how loud you can laugh. Sure, sometimes things are humorous, but so rarely is anything so laugh out loud funny that I should be able to hear you above the THX audio when you're sitting 4 rows in front of me.

5. If you have not showered the same day that you are going to see the film, then you are not allowed inside. No one should have to deal with your stink in close quarters.

6. I am better than you and your opinion about the movie is probably wrong.

Now, if we all follow these rules, then we can have a peaceful, fun, and overall enjoyable moviegoing experience.

What, nothing about people who bring small children and let them be loud and/or run around in the aisles?
No, sorry about that. I usually see movies that are R-rated, so I haven't had a problem with failures bringing their terribly behaved idiot children to them.

I agree though, any time parents bring their children to movies that are obviously not suitable for children should be visited by social services and subsequently beat up by big men with bats.
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